On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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