Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
