My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So much Jack, so little girl.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower