Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team