it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
