All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
