he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Someone shit on the floor
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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