I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's never too late to be topless.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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