I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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