I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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