dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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