I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
