haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
