She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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