I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
