From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
