When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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