Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
