Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
