just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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