Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
