as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Are we still banned from the library?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
