: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize