you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
