i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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