Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
