You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
