Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The uberlube is also flammable
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
