I think I died a long time ago.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
