Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
