I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
