is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
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He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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