How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
