Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
There's even glitter on my cock...
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