He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
