1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
