He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
