you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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