I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
