he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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