i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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