I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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