yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
