See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
