You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
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My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
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Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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