I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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