Only a mothe r could love this liver
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
