So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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