i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
