I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i dont even know how to be here
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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