Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
