Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
