Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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