fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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