My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
