either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
