one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's rum buckets o'clock
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
