I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
