that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
