After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
