I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
