Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
