Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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