1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
