I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
