So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
