I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just pee around me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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