you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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