you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
