Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
