Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
