I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
