It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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