Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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