he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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