I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
