Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
