he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
