I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Blow job season was short but glorious.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
