When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She's the barista slut.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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