so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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