Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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