I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
