I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
