Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
