Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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