it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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